Why I Hate my Extroverted Self

I am an extrovert. Most of you will know what this means but for those who do not an extrovert is an outgoing, overtly expressive person. I let people in very easily and without hesitation. Maybe some of you do to and know this all too well. We make friendships quickly and often divulge information about my our personal life without hesitation. I grew up believing that most people are good hearted and want to help. Here’s the problem.

Most people are angry, hateful, spiteful, and vindictive. Imagine a person like me, extraverted and sensitive to opinions entering a world of beard oil, beard balm and men’s  products where competition is fierce and every Tom, Dick and Harry are selling some sort of beard product. Combine that with working in an office that’s political and advancement is measured by who you know, rather than your quality of work. Now let’s put the cherry on top. I’m single and in a geographical location dominated by a male demographic and for some reason, I’m failing miserably at getting a woman to choose me, I’m great at dating, but with so much competition can’t seem to get them to stop chasing the next guy.

So here is why I hate myself.

I let my success dictate my self image. Success in business, success in work, success in finding a woman, how much beard oil I sell, how much weight I lose. Colorado puts pressure on everyone here to be active, go to the mountains or go hiking, I don’t have the time to do this without sacrificing my business. I don’t prioritize the gym but I still put pressure on myself to lose weight and am failing miserably at looking like the traditional Colorado dude. I am constantly interpreting my self worth by the goals I am accomplishing. Can anyone else relate?

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I open up to everyone, my problems, my feelings, my social life etc. It’s just who I am and I can’t stand it. I recently went to Atlanta for a business conference and had a pretty good time. One of my old Army buddies that I haven't seen in awhile came up to visit. We went to a Braves game, partied in Buckhead and had an epic night. Believe it or not I was approached over him by a very attractive woman, it was totally the beard though! Not kidding, she said so herself. So, I tell one of my buddies here in Colorado about our night and the first thing he said was judgemental and negative. “You shouldn’t be out drinking that late when you have a conference in the morning”. “You let your buddy use your hotel room to have sex with a stranger, that’s pathetic, I would never do that. Tell him I said hello to AIDS”. Fuck you dude!

This guy isn’t an outlier though. Almost every single person I meet loves to give their opinion and how they think I should do things better. “Your videos on beards are too heavily edited” How about you make one then? “You should go on match to find a real woman” Where the fuck did you meet your girlfriend...oh you’re single too!  “You really went out with a 25 year old, that’s too young, she’s not a woman yet” Who the hell are you to judge her before knowing her? “You sound like a cry baby in this blog, man up!” This from an unemployed, emotionally dead guy living in your parents basement troll? Stop putting peanut butter on your dick to get off by your neighbor's dog. To be fair I know some of it is out of caring for me. Ask first if your opinion is wanted, simple!

Ironically enough this is kinda new for me. I was in a marriage for the past 8 years and lived in suburbia and was very private. In Toledo, Ohio I grew up on food stamp and lived in a trailer, yep, I’m white trash and proud of it! However no one was this judgmental because we understood who we were and where the lines were. In the Army, we were all fucking crazy. We did some of the stupidest shit ever and no one made you feel like a loser for bringing back a secretary from Iowa who worked at the White House to the barracks for a night of beer pong and sex.

So here are my options. I can start to work on being introverted, not smiling to make you feel welcomed when talking to me, even though what you said is the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard. Not open up to anyone but the people closest to me. Be cautious until people prove they aren’t hypocritical ignorant asses, thinking their lives are so great and have all the answers. You know, that’s what I’ll I do. I’ll use this blog as an outlet and try to be more selective about how, who, and what I open up about. Simple right?

Maybe some of you can relate, maybe some of you think that I’m being a bitch and need to “man” up, get thicker skin, or whatever. I find that being emotionally mature and knowing why you feel the way you do and expressing that in a healthy way is being a man. It’s important to understand my shortcomings, flaws, areas that need improvement and addressing them head on! It’s hard to be introspective, critical and honest with yourself. That’s the first step though isn’t it. Complete 100% transparency and honesty about who you are. You can either accept that and move forward, or live in your bubble where things are comfortable and have change elude you.

Okay, how am I going to relate this to beards? I grew my beard at a very troublesome time in my life. I just separated from my wife and was very anti-social. I was torn up emotionally and it was by far the hardest time in my life. I wanted a change and growing a beard provided me with a new identity, a new persona, and more importantly, a bit of privacy! I found that having a beard gives you the appearance of being less approachable, maybe even a bit angry assuming you don't smile of course. My beard didn't just motivate me to start a beard care company, it helped to change my entire image. Transformation is essential for me and that's what happened when I grew my beard. What has growing a beard done for you?

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